Driving in Circles
by Melchy
Summary: Based on the movie, Clarisse decides it's not enough to just get her license renewed, she wants to refresh her driving skills, something Joe isn't too keen about.


This is my go on the challenge I understand is on the Live Journal about Clarrise learning to drive. I don't know if this was what the person had in mind but it's what came out when I started to write.

The characters from the Princess Diaries belong to Walt Disney Pictures and Meg Cabot. I have only borrowed them.

Thanks Susan for letting me know about the challenge and for editing for me.

And just in case you wondered the city of Lotz is made up.

Driving in Circles

"Now let me get this straight." Joseph stroked his chin. "You want me to teach you to drive?"

"That's right." Clarisse nodded.

"A car?"

"Yes, a car." she shook her head in frustration. "Don't be obtuse, Joseph. I have no need to learn to how to drive a tractor or a baler or a, a, horse drawn wagon."

"You don't have a reason to learn how to drive a car either, " her security guard pointed out. "That's what we have chauffeurs for. And if you didn't need them to drive you, then all of them would be suddenly without a job and then the unemployment rates would soar and parliament would have to declare a state of disaster and all because the Queen insisted that she needed to learn to drive."

"Very funny." She chucked him under the chin. "I just thought that it might be good for me to get my license renewed and before I go and do that, I decided that reviving my driving skills might not be a bad idea."

"Why, if I may ask, my lady, this sudden interest in wanting to drive?"

"Well. when I was in San Francisco and Mia and I had that little problem where she ran into the cable car ..." she paused, knowing she was bringing up a dangerous subject but it was necessary to tell her story. Would he ever truly forgive her for that? "And they almost took us downtown to the station..."

"Right, except for some fast thinking by you" he interrupted. Every time she told the story, it got better and better.

"Yes," she nodded. "And one of the reasons they cited was that my licence had expired 45 years ago."

"But, as you also pointed out to the man, for royalty in Genovia, the license doesn't expire. And since you don't drive anywhere here and the next time you and Mia go out for a joy ride, I intend to come along, you don't need to go through with this."

"Joseph." she looked at him straight in the eye, thinking how handsome he was, the way his nose was just right for his face, the firm curve of his lips, the strong outline of his jaw. "Would your reluctance in this task be because you don't know how to teach driving?"

"Your majesty!" he looked at her askance. "I am one of the best driving instructors anywhere."

"Then, I think I have proven my point. I'll meet you at the garages in the morning, 10:00 sharp. Don't be late." She touched his cheek, gave him a smile and moved off in the direction she had just seen Charlotte.

"Now how did I get into this one?" he asked himself, shaking his head. "I hope I know what I'm in for."

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

He was there five minutes early, she came exactly at 10:00. She looked so, well, nice, was the word. Even in her more causal attire of slacks, blouse and a blazer, her royal bearing shone through. Surely there was no one that exuded the title of queen more than Clarisse Renaldi.

"I'm ready." She walked over to him, giving him a smile. "Are you?"

"I certainly hope so." he grimaced. "Let's get this over with."

"Attitude, attitude." she shook her head, a huge smile on her face. ' Let's get on with it, baby."

"Your majesty?" He tried not to look amused.

"Or something like that." She got in the car. "I don't think I will ever be hip."

"Okay," He got in beside her. "Tell me, Clarisse, what do you remember about driving?"

"Well, I know that you put the male end into the female slot, turn it on and get the engine humming and then take it out slowly."

"Who taught you to drive the first time?" He looked over at her, curiously. "Hugh Hefner?"

"Very funny." she rolled her eyes. "Actually, it was Rudolph Witherspoon."

"I should have figured. Only he could take a sex education lesson and use it to teach someone to drive."

"I won't have you saying such things about Rudy. " she became defensive. "He was a dear man and I had quite the time learning to drive from him. Rupert trusted him completely."

"Rupert let you learn to drive?" Joseph put the key in the ignition. "Somehow that doesn't sound like him."

"I talked him into it." she said with a cat-eating-a-canary smile. "I simply reminded him that in the case of an emergency, it might be a handy skill for me to acquire. And he agreed. But he didn't want to teach me himself and he didn't trust anyone else to do it, so he asked Rudy to do it. And we had a marvelous time."

"I'm sure. Now, let's get back to the matter in hand, shall we?"

"Actually, shouldn't I be sitting over there? I am the one who is learning to drive. You already know how." she pointed out.

"And since I am the teacher." he looked at her solemnly, "I say when it will be time for us to switch places. "

"All right. " she waved her hand in a dismissive manner. "But it will be awful hard to reach the pedals from this far away. Unless, of course, you want me to sit in your lap!" and she giggled a very unqueenly giggle.

He didn't say anything, but the look on his face spelled it out all too plainly. Yes, he would like very much for her to sit in his lap. She felt her cheeks warm slightly, but ignored it, as did he.

"All right, then, the first thing we do is put the key..." he stopped abruptly. "What did I do with the key?" he patted down his pockets, checked his jacket, and looked on the dash. Clarisse all the while tried to suppress her laughter. "I had it just here, just a moment ago." he was talking more to himself than to her. "What, where in the he...?"

"Joseph, did you think to check the ignition?" she had to point out finally, not being able to help it.

"The ignition?" he followed the direction her finger was pointing, finding the keys right where she had said. "How did they get in there?"

"I watched you put them in yourself." she told him. "Are we getting forgetful, dear Joseph?"

"Forgetful?" his eyebrows questioned. "Never. Distracted is a much better word."

"I don't mean to be a distraction," she touched his arm. "And I am giving you a rather hard time and for that I'm truly sorry. I did, after all, drag you into this and I promise to be a good girl from this moment and behave."

"That's better." he nodded, thinking that that wasn't quite the way he had used the word, then realized from the look on her face, that she knew it as well as he. "Now, where were we?"

"The key." she smiled angelically.

She sat quietly as he explained the basic mechanics of driving, what the P, R, N and D stood for, the differences between first, second and third drive, how to set the emergency break, the gas pedal and the brake. "It's all really quite simple."

"Well, if it's that simple, than perhaps we could switch places and you could let me try."

"Not so fast." he held out a restraining hand. "It is simple, but Clarisse, dear, have you ever driven a car before? I mean, more than just around the driveway to the castle?"

"Well, certainly I have. Rudy used to let me drive through town. It was quite fun and I remember it fondly."

"Okay, well, then you have had more experience than I thought. At driving." he quickly added not sure why he felt he had to.

"Yes, I guess I have been around the block."

"Your majesty!" he sounded shocked.

"In the car, " she shook her head in amusement. "I mean driving the car, not any other way. " she bit her lip in her confusion. This was not getting any easier. She suddenly became aware of just how close she was sitting to him, how her arm was brushing against his, the smell of his aftershave filling her senses. "And there was the time I drove to Lotz. " She was surprised her voice was shaking. "Bitsy Harrleson and I. We went after her fiancé, he was coming back from um, Lilthpot and he um, I think his car broke down. Yes, that was it, his car broke down."

"You personally drove all the way to Lotz?" he hoped he didn't look as affected by her nearness as he was. "That's at least 100 miles."

"128, if I remember correctly. Bitsy and I drove all the way there and all the way back. I remember it clearly. It was quite late and we were both very tired. We had to stop every few miles and get coffee. She bought a package of, oh, what were they? Yes, some sort of potato crisps, tasted like sour cream and we ate them while we drank our coffee. We rolled the windows down and sang at the top of our voices to stay awake. And when that started to get old, I would hit the middle line and every time I did we both would yell peep."

"I can just imagine the look on Rupert's face when you gave him the ticket."

"Ticket for what?"

"For reckless driving."

"I wasn't driving recklessly," she protested. "That's why we did all those crazy things, so we wouldn't."

"Disturbing the peace?"

"I hate to disappoint you, but there was no ticket. We picked up Peter, drove back to the city, returned the car to the garage and no one was any the wiser."

'No one noticed a limousine was gone?"

"I didn't take a limousine. I have more sense than that. We took Rupert's Mercedes convertible."

"Well, of course you did." he laughed despite himself. "I would have liked to have seen that."

"I wish you would have been there too." she said quietly. There was silence between them for several minutes, a peaceful lapse that seemed just right. "But we are really getting off track." she came back to herself. "Change places with me and let me drive. Surely it's a lot like riding a bicycle."

"You've ridden a bicycle?"

"No, my parents locked me away in a tower on the day I was born and Rupert found me by climbing up my hair! Of course I've ridden a bicycle and jumped rope and even sailed a boat! And now I would like to refresh my driving. So may we proceed?"

They switched places in the car which, as fate would have it, was a Mercedes convertible and he showed her each move to make, impressed with just how much she did remember. He allowed her to take it out into the city after a time and she did splendidly until she got to the four way stop, which she found more than a little confusing.

"All in all, it was a good lesson. " he told her after she had parked the automobile in the garage and he had helped her out. "I think you can take your test anytime you're ready."

"I don't think I'm quite ready for that." she shook her head. "I think perhaps a bit more practice first. And then, of course, there are the written questions. I may need your help for some time to come. You don't mind, do you, Joseph?"

"How could I, your majesty?" He bowed low before taking her hand, letting his lips brush across the skin.

"And if you're really good," she laughed. "I'll let you drive when we go to Lotz, but I get to make the peep sound."


End file.
